Irish Golf Jokes: Your Opponent's Uncontrolled Laughter Is Your Secret Weapon!

To truly understand the importance of Irish golf jokes, consider this fact: The Golf Digest identified the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland as two of the countries with the highest number of golf courses per capita.

This is not surprising considering that Irish love golf and it shows in their culture, their landscape and even their jokes.

Here is a sampling of golf-related jokes that the Irish with their dry sense of humor have no problem laughing about.

Irish Golf Jokes - View from 16th fairway at Carton House.
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Hailing From Our List of Favorite Irish Golf Jokes...
Tee and Teeth

Getting dentures is no walk in the park for the hero of this Irish golf joke, but as long as golf is in his life, everything else is secondary.

Paddy and Murphy, two old Irish golfers, were on their regular golf session. Paddy mentioned that he was going to Dr. Taylor have his dentures set in place. Murphy said that he has also been to Dr. Taylor for the same purpose.

Paddy said, “Is that so? Was he any good?”

Murphy answered, “Yesterday, I was on the course when I was hit in the stomach by a stray ball. It must have been travelling at 200 miles an hour. That was the first time my teeth stopped hurting like hell.”

Put and Putt

As with any sport, mastering the fundamentals requires practice and study. In this Irish golf joke, spelling makes the difference!

Kelly, a schoolteacher, was on her first golf lesson and like any schoolteacher, she was meticulous about spelling words.

“Is it spelled as p-u-t or p-u-t-t?” asks Kelly.

Says the instructor, “It’s p-u-t-t. Put means to place in a specific position. Putt means a futile attempt to do the same thing.”

And the Earth Moved

Golf is a difficult game to master but most successful golfers have moved heaven and earth to be where they are now - and a few have quite literally moved the earth!

Paddy was frustrated because he has hit numerous fat shots. In his frustration, he told Murphy, his caddy, “I would move heaven and earth just to make a hundred.”

To which Murphy replied, “Try heaven, Paddy. You have already moved most of the earth here.”

Don't Stand So Close

Golf should be an easy game: Hit the ball, sink it into the hole and score. But it’s not as easy as it sounds especially when you are standing so close to the thing you should be hitting far.

After hitting the ball with little to no success, Paddy asked his caddy what the problem was with his game.

The caddy answers, “It’s simple, really. You are standing too close to the ball after you whack at it.”

And I Thee Wed

The Irish love weddings as can be seen by their wedding celebrations, toasts and blessings. But nothing gets in the way of an Irishmen and his game either.

As the bride was going down the aisle, she observed that her groom had his golf bag and clubs by his side.

She asks, “What is your golf gear doing there?”

He looks at her in the eyes and answers, “This isn’t going to take long, is it?”

And that is why a soon-to-be Irish brideshould share the passion for golf with their soon-to-be-husband lest he becomes a soon-to-be jilted groom.

Clueless Irishman

And this one takes the cake because Tiger Woods, an Irishman and a BMW are its main characters.

Tiger Woods drives his luxury BMW into a remote petrol station in the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, who knows nothing about golf, much less Tiger Woods, greets the golfing legend, “Top of the mornin’ sir”

Tiger says hello and then bends down to pick the nozzle. Two tees fall out of his shirt pocket into the ground.

The attendant asks, “What are those sire?”

Tiger says, “Those are tees, which I use to rest my balls on when I’m driving.”

And the Irishman exclaims, “By Jesus, Mary and Joseph, BMW thinks of everything!”

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