Telling good St Patricks Day jokes is all about expressing your Irish side!
The world's most famous Irish holiday is usually celebrated in a joyous and social way. What better way to break the ice and help everyone have a good time than sharing Irish jokes?
Consider including an Irish joke during a St Patricks Day toast. Or including one on the party invitation. Or printing them as tags on party favors. Or simply sitting around the fire pit with pints of Guinness showing off your Irish sides!
One of the things we love about Irish humor is how fearless it is - no subject is out of bounds. Here are a few examples to get you started.
St Patricks Day jokes cover a variety of subjects. And like the people themselves, those subjects range from humorous to profound to downright naughty!
Here we will keep it clean. But trust us - they're funny!
Question: How did the Irish Jig get started?
Answer: Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!
Question: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
Answer: Because they're always a little short.
Here's the Difference Between You and Me
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a Guinness in a pub. Upon being served, each finds a fly in their beer. Repulsed, the Englishman sends his back. The Scotsman gently flicks the fly out of his mug and begins drinking. The Irishman carefully lifts the fly up by its wings and screams, "Spit it out! Spit it out!"
On Hands and Knees
Walking into the pub, Patrick said to the bartender: "Pour me a stiff one, Sean. I just had another tiff with the little woman."
"Oh yeah," said Sean. "And how did this one end?"
"Well I'll tell ya now when it was over," Patrick replied, "herself came to me on her hands and knees, she did."
"You don't say? Now that’s a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under that bed, you gutless weasel!
St. Patrick’s Day marks the end of Lenten restrictions, which means that alcohol drinking is allowed - therefore jokes about drinking must be allowed too!
Green beer and whiskey, the two traditional drinks for the occasion, are the subject of numerous St Patricks Day jokes.
A Jar of Olives
McQuillan sat in a bar and began ordering martinis, each time taking
the olives out and putting them in a jar. When the jar was filled with
olives and all the drinks consumed, he got up and headed towards the
"Sir, excuse me," said a customer, "What was that all about?"
"Nothing," said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."
Cat and Mouse
Pat is a drunk. A priest met him one day and told him that so much
drinking would cause him to become smaller and smaller until he turned
into a mouse.
Pat got troubled by the information. He went home and gave his wife the following instructions:
"If you see that I am starting to get smaller and smaller, will you kill the damn cat?
O'Connell was staggering home with a small Paddy in his back pocket
when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt
something wet running down his leg.
"Please, God," he implored, "let it be blood!"
We have the perfect recipe for Irish stew: Get meat, a few potatoes and a lot of Guinness Stout. Drink all of the stout. Forget about the stew.
Some of the best jokes are the briefest ones. The following collection contains some short jokes connected to St. Patrick’s Day:
Question: What's long & green & has a low I.Q.?
Answer: A St. Patrick's Day Parade
Question. Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?
Answer. He couldn't afford plane fare.
Question: Why should you never iron a 4-leaf clover?
Answer: You don't want to press your luck.
Try these St Patricks Day jokes next March 17, and be the life of the party!
Speaking of St Patrick's Day parties, you can find more ideas for how to celebrate this iconic Irish holiday here.
So what's next?
Well, the purpose of this site is to build a community of people who enjoy sharing their Irish side, and helping others to do the same.
One great way to do that is to send us your own feedback and ideas, using the comment section below or our contact form here.
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