Hard to Find, Easy to Remember, Here are Clean Irish Jokes for any Occasion!

Naughty Irish jokes? Easy to find. Clean Irish Jokes? Somewhat harder to find, but just as funny!  And they include all of the witty mischievousness that you find in most Irish humor. Here we offer a compilation of Irish jokes that should work for most audiences.

Clean Irish Jokes - Wish You Were Beer!

Share them at parties, add them to greeting cards, put them on a T-shirt or mug, the opportunities for sharing Irish jokes are limited only by your imagination!

Please enjoy our selection of clean Irish jokes.  And for many, many more examples of Irish humor, check out our main Irish jokes page here!

Irish Question and Answer Jokes

Question and answer jokes are brief and interactive. Entertain your party guests and have fun with your family. Here are several great, easy to remember examples of the typical Irish sense of humor.

Q. When does an Irish potato change its nationality?
A. When it gets French fried.

Q. What is Irish and stays on the patio, even when it rains?
A. Patty O’Furniture

Q. What is the difference between knowledge and wisdom?
A. Knowledge is understanding that tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is refraining from putting it in a fruit salad.

Q. How many Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Never mind, we can still drink in the dark.

The Obligatory "Paddy" Joke

Paddy and Mick are walking down the road and Paddy's got a bag of doughnuts in his hand.

Paddy says to Mick, "If you can guess how many doughnuts are in my bag, you can have them both."

Clean Irish Jokes about Drink and Drinking

One of the largest Irish humor categories involves jokes about alcohol and drinking. The following list contains several clean options that are very funny at the same time.

It's a Miracle!

An Irish priest was driving to New York, when he got pulled over by a police officer.

The policeman smelled alcohol in the car and asked the priest whether he has been drinking.

“Just water,” the priest said.

“Why is there wine in this bottle?” the policeman asked?

“Good Lord, he has done it again,” the priest exclaimed.

Lost Irish Luggage

Patrick arrived in New York, and while leaving the airport, tears streamed down his face.

An airline employee saw him and asked what was wrong.

“I lost my luggage,” Patrick replied.

“Sir, this is terrible, how did it happen,” the concerned airline employee asked.

“The cork fell out,” Patrick said,

Not a Bad Way to Go...

One night, Mrs McMillen answers the door to see her husbands best friend, Paddy, standing on the doorstep.

"Hello Paddy, but where is my husband? He went with you to the beer factory"

Paddy shook his head. "Ah Mrs. McMillen, there was a terrible accident at the beer factory, your husband fell into a vat of Guinness stout and drowned"

Mrs McMillen starts crying. "Oh don't tell me that, did he at least go quickly?"

Paddy shakes his head. "Not really - he got out 3 times to pee!"

Clean Irish Jokes About Family and Marriage

Much Irish humor deals with family and marriage, as well. To diversify your collection, you can learn some of these clean Irish jokes (apologies in advance - they are a bit chauvinistic):

A Good Wife

Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to the pub, so that he could have a drink.

“That is a good wife,” Quinn said. “Mine is making me walk!”

A Meeting With the Devil

Patrick went to the pub every night and the missus was anything but happy about it.

One night, she decided to scare him on the way home from the pub. She thought that it might stop him from drinking again.

Patrick, already drunk, was walking home. He passed by the cemetery, when his wife jumped out in a red devil costume.

“Patrick, if you don’t give up that drinking, you are going to hell!” she said.

“Who are you?” Patrick asked.

“I am the devil, you fool!”

“ Damned glad to meet you, sir! I am married to yer sister!”

Want More Irish Sayings?

It is probably obvious - at Irish Expressions, we love Irish wit and wisdom!  Learning Irish sayings gives us a deeper sense of connection with Ireland, wherever in the world we happen to be!

We have captured many of our favorite Irish sayings in an e-book called "77 Favorite Irish Sayings."  In it you will find Irish proverbs, jokes, limericks, blessings and quotes on many, many topics!

This fun, free guide is available to you to download.  Simply scroll to the bottom of the page and share your email address for instant access!

What's Next?

Irreverent humor is an essential part of Irish culture and heritage. Sharing clean Irish jokes like these is a fun way to share your personal Irish side!

For more information of this type, you may want to visit our main section on Irish jokes here!