The Best Irish Jokes? Hard to Say ... But These Are Pretty Darn Funny!
Finding the best Irish jokes is a matter of taste. The truth is, there is no way to know which ones are truly the best.
What we do know is when we gather with our Irish friends, jokes fly faster than blackbirds going south!
Please enjoy this collection - and for many, many more examples, don't miss our main section on Irish jokes here.
Best Irish Jokes: Drinking Jokes
There are hundreds of Irish drinking jokes and it was no easy
task to come up with the winner. But that didn't stop us from trying!
This drunken Irish husband must have had the luck of the Irish
working for him that night. Watch how he gets out of trouble he didn't even
realize he was in!
"An Irishman wakes up one morning with the filthiest hangover and no
recollection of the night before. Slowly opening his eyes, he sees a
bottle of aspirin and a glass of water on the bedside table.
around the room to find his clothes are on the dresser, neatly folded,
with a clean shirt on top. The bedroom is immaculate. On the bedside
table is a note, which says, ‘Darling, your breakfast is in the kitchen.
I love you.’
Downstairs, he finds his favourite cereal, croissants, freshly
squeezed orange juice and freshly brewed coffee laid out waiting for
him, along with the morning paper – and his 15-year-old son, who is
finishing his own breakfast.
’Tell me, son,’ he asks, ‘what happened
‘Well, says the boy, ‘you came home so blind drunk you didn’t even
know your own name. You nearly broke the door down, then you were sick
in the hallway, then you knocked the furniture over and when Mum tried
to calm you down, you thought she was the police, so you gave her a
‘My Gosh!’ says the man. ‘Then how come my clothes are all folded, the
house is tidy and my breakfast is ready?’
The son replied: ’when Mum
dragged you into the bedroom and tried to get your trousers off to put
you into bed, you shouted at her, ‘Get your filthy hands off me, floozie
woman, I’m married!'"
Best Irish Jokes: Irish Priest
They may close down the pub on Saturday night but come Sunday mass
you'll find many good Irish Catholics on their knees.
However, since the Irish often have a self-deprecating sense of humor, they will occasionally poke fun at the priest.
The good Father was warning his listeners about the suddenness of
"Before another day is ended," he thundered, "somebody in this
parish will die!"
Seated in the front row was a little old Irishman who
laughed out loud at this statement. Very angry, the priest said to the
jovial old man, "What on earth is so funny?"
"Well!" spoke up the oldster, "Thank God I'm
not a member of this parish!"
Best Irish Jokes: A Proud Irish Mum
This one is a bit spicy! Please avert your eyes if easily offended...
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together.
The first one tells her friends, "My son is a Priest. When he walks into a room, everyone says 'Father'."
The second one chirps, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, everyone says Your Grace'."
The third Catholic lady says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. When he walks into a room, everyone says 'Your Eminence.'"
fourth Catholic lady sips her coffee in silence. The first three ladies
Finally she replies, "My son is a 6' 2" hard-bodied stripper,
and hung like a rhino. When he walks into a room, everyone says, 'Oh,
Best Irish Jokes: St Patricks Day
St. Patrick's Day is ALL about Irish expression. And as we have said
many times, everybody - even a Texan - has an Irish side. This one
cracks us up every time we hear it!
"St. Patrick's Day is such a wonderful occasion. It gives the Irish the omnipotent feeling that Texans have all year long!
Best Irish Jokes: Paddy Does It Again
Poor Paddy is the butt of many, many Irish jokes. "Paddy jokes" are St. Patrick's Day favorites.
"Paddy was in New York, patiently waiting and watching the traffic
cop on a busy street crossing.
The cop stopped the flow of traffic and
shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Those on foot would cross the street. Then he would allow the traffic to pass.
He had done this several times while Paddy still stood at the crosswalk, getting more and more impatient.
the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over
to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'"
As I said. Poor Paddy...
Want More Irish Sayings?
It is probably obvious - at Irish Expressions, we love Irish wit and wisdom! The age-old sayings of the Emerald Isle bring people together, making us laugh, love and sometimes shed a tear.
Learning Irish sayings gives us a deeper sense of connection with Ireland, wherever in the world we happen to be!
We have captured many of our favorite Irish sayings in an e-book called "77 Favorite Irish Sayings." In it you will find Irish proverbs, jokes, limericks, blessings, quotes and more!
This fun, free guide is available to you to download. Answer two quick questions below to get instant access!
Irreverent humor is an essential part of Irish culture and heritage. Sharing some of the best Irish jokes is a fun way to share your personal Irish side!
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