Short Irish Jokes:  Easy to Remember, and Oh So Hysterically Irish!

When we tell short Irish jokes, we wrap the full range of Irish humor, wit and wisdom into a few memorable words! And we make people laugh!

These jokes from / about Ireland are special because they are ... well ... short!

For those of us with limited memory, but a desire to show our Irish side in a humorous way, these may be just the ticket.

And for many, many more Irish jokes - don't miss our main section on Irish jokes here.

Short Irish Jokes About Drinking

I know ... shocking right? Here is your opportunity to blend two favorite Irish pastimes, drinking and making each other laugh. See what you think of these!

Is It Possible?

An Irishman walked out of the bar and …

please, don't interrupt! Yes it is possible!

The Irish Jig

Learning the Irish jig involves two simple steps:

1) serve people a lot of alcohol and

2) make sure that you have locked the bathroom door.

It's A Gift!

"Paddy," said Murphy, "how does it happen that when you drink, you can’t remember people’s names?"

"I don’t know," said Paddy, "it's a gift."

Short Irish Jokes About Men and Women

Many short Irish jokes are about the differences between men and women.  They are not always the cleanest, most politically correct, or flattering ... but they are very often the funniest.

Please forgive us in advance ok?  And enjoy!

Wife

Question:  Do you know why hurricanes are all named after women?

Answer: When they come, they are wet and wild. When they go, they take your car and house with them.

Husband

A woman was in bed with her lover, telling her how stupid her Irish husband was. At that moment, the husband came home.

“What are you two doing?!” he asked.

“Didn’t I tell you that he was stupid?” the wife answered.

Ok, ouch. On behalf of all Irish husbands, I'm a touch offended by that!  Here's one more for good measure...

Question: Do you know what an Irish husband is?

Answer:  A man who has not kissed or touched his wife in 20 years but would kill the man who tries to.

Short Irish Jokes About Religion (Sort of)

Hey we've already crossed the line ... why stop now? Have a look at these short jokes with religious overtones. (Forgive me Father...)

Forgive Me Father, for I Have Sinned...

“Forgive me father for I have sinned,” an Irish girl said. “My boyfriend held my hand twice, kissed me three times and made love to me twice.”

“Daughter! Go home, squeeze seven lemons and drink it straight down,” the priest said.

“Will it help?” she asked.

“No, but it will get that silly smile off your face!”

Sin and Politics

Did we mention Irish humor often touches on sensitive and somewhat taboo topics?  Oh good.  We've covered our ... tracks.

Stop Talking Politics

“Father, I have just shot down two British lieutenants and I knocked off a British captain,” O’Donnell said in one breath.

“Father, are you listening? Father, have you fainted?”

“Of course I haven’t fainted, son,” the priest replied. “I am waiting for you to stop talking about politics and start confessing your sins.”

Out of Luck

Finnegan is drunk as usual. He walks into the church and goes straight to the confessional box.

There is silence. The priest waits for Finnegan to start talking. He waits and waits. Finally, the priest pounds on the wall !

“Ain’t no use in knocking,” Finnegan yells back.
“There is no paper on this side, either!”

More From Paddy

Paddy often seems to draw the short straw, doesn't he?  Here's a quick pro tip for you... I don't think he minds! :-)  As long as he gets a laugh.

This next joke is borrowed with gratitude from The Irish Road Trip:

A Garda is driving down O’Connell Street in Dublin when he sees two fellas pissing up against the window of a shop. He parks the car and runs over to them.

He asks the first fella for his name and address. The man replies, ‘I’m Paddy O’Toole of no fixed abode.’

The Garda turns to the second fella and asks the same question.

He replies, ‘I’m Ben Riordain, and I live in the flat above Paddy!'

And this one with gratitude from Brett Mitchell...

Mick walks into a barn and catches Paddy dancing naked in front of a tractor.

Mick says "Oh no Paddy, what'ya doin'?"

Paddy says "Well me and Mary haven't been getting along in the bedroom lately and me therapist says I should so something sexy to a tractor."

Want More Irish Sayings?

It is probably obvious - at Irish Expressions, we love Irish wit and wisdom!  Learning Irish sayings gives us a deeper sense of connection with Ireland, wherever in the world we happen to be!

We have captured many of our favorite Irish sayings in an e-book called "77 Favorite Irish Sayings."  In it you will find Irish proverbs, jokes, limericks, blessings and quotes on many, many topics!

This fun, free guide is available to you to download.  Simply scroll to the bottom of the page and share your email address for instant access!

Had enough?  Good! Neither have we!

Irreverent humor is an essential part of Irish culture and heritage. Sharing jokes like these during special occasions can help you celebrate your personal Irish side!

For more information of this type, you may want to visit our main section on Irish jokes here.

And if you enjoyed this page in particular, please share your feedback, opinions and stories with your Irish Expressions community!  You can do that by visiting us on Facebook.

Your Personal Irish Expression

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Want to have a look?  Our friends at House of Names can help! 

Tap the button below and see your family crest for free!

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