When we tell short Irish jokes, we wrap the full range of Irish humor, wit and wisdom into a few memorable words! And we make people laugh!
These jokes from / about Ireland are special because they are ... well ... short! For those of us with limited memory, but a desire to show our Irish side in a humorous way, these may be just the ticket.
I know ... shocking right? Here is your opportunity to blend two favorite Irish pastimes, drinking and making each other laugh. See what you think of these!
An Irishman walked out of the bar and …
please, don't interrupt! Yes it is possible!
Learning the Irish jig involves two simple steps:
1) serve people a lot of alcohol and
2) make sure that you have locked the bathroom door.
"Paddy," said Murphy, "how does it happen that when you drink, you can’t remember people’s names?"
"I don’t know," said Paddy, "it's a gift."
Many short Irish jokes are about the differences between men and women. They are not always the cleanest, most politically correct, or flattering ... but they are very often the funniest.
Please forgive us in advance ok? And enjoy!
Question: Do you know why hurricanes are all named after women?
Answer: When they come, they are wet and wild. When they go, they take your car and house with them.
A woman was in bed with her lover, telling her how stupid her Irish husband was. At that moment, the husband came home.
“What are you two doing?!” he asked.
“Didn’t I tell you that he was stupid?” the wife answered.
Ok, ouch. On behalf of all Irish husbands, I'm a touch offended by that!
Here's one more for good measure...
Question: Do you know what an Irish husband is?
Answer: A man who has not kissed or touched his wife in 20 years but would kill the man who tries to.
Hey we've already crossed the line ... why stop now? Have a look at these short jokes with religious overtones. (Forgive me Father...)
“Forgive me father for I have sinned,” an Irish girl said. “My boyfriend held my hand twice, kissed me three times and made love to me twice.”
“Daughter! Go home, squeeze seven lemons and drink it straight down,” the priest said.
“Will it help?” she asked.
“No, but it will get that silly smile off your face!”
“Father, I have just shot down two British lieutenants and I knocked off a British captain,” O’Donnell said in one breath.
“Father, are you listening? Father, have you fainted?”
“Of course I haven’t fainted, son,” the priest replied. “I am waiting for you to stop talking about politics and start confessing your sins.”
Finnegan is drunk as usual. He walks into the church and goes straight to the confessional box.
There is silence. The priest waits for Finnegan to start talking. He waits and waits. Finally, the priest pounds on the wall of the confessional box.
“Ain’t no use in knocking,” Finnegan yells back. “There is no paper on this side, either!”
Sharing Irish sayings is one of the best ways to express our Irish sides! And if you are going to memorize some witty Irish sayings why not go with the humorous kind!
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